大晦日に2010/12/31

新宿御苑にて
今年は夏ごろからいろいろな事が続いておこり、
ばたばたと駆けまわっているうちにもう年の暮れになってしまった。

父親の死を知らされたのが8月の初めのことだった。
私にとっては既に過去の人で、今さら関わりも無いことだと思っていたが
戸籍上は籍を抜いていても親子関係に変わりはなく、負債の相続が発生するのだ...と聞いた時は
悪霊に内臓をぎゅっと握られたような気分がした。
暑いさなか役所や裁判所をいくつもまわり、相続放棄の受理通知が届いてはじめて人心地がついた。

その間に母親が血尿を出し、病院へかかることになった。
R病院では、結石があるようだということで入院、破砕術を試みたが改善せず退院となった。

その後の検査で子宮頸がんの疑いありということでT医大へ移り精密検査を行ったところ
進行した子宮頚がん(IV期)であり、膀胱への浸潤もあるということだった。
既に手術はできない状態で、放射線の腔内照射が有効だが、T医大にはその設備がないとのことで
その場で紹介状を書いてもらい、癌研へ移ることにした。
どの病院でも検査や結果待ちなどで何日もかかり、入院できたのはもう10月も半ばを過ぎた頃だった。

告知から入院までの日々は、母の心の状態を案じ、私の家で寝泊りしてもらっていたが
息子(孫)とふれあっている間は終始笑いが絶えず、私としてもずいぶん助けられた。

母はがんについての知識も乏しく、低い生存率のことも知らないのが幸いしてか、入院してからは
常に前向きな気持ちで治療に取り組んでいた。
ただ、一通りの治療を終えて退院する頃には治療の副作用もあり、体力的にもかなり落ちており
10日間ほどだが、私の家で療養生活をしてもらった。
がんに良いと思われる食事や生活など、ともに考え親身に世話をしてくれた妻にはほんとうに感謝している。
本人の希望もあり、実家に戻っていったのがもう12月の半ばのことだった。

そうしたばたばたのなか、あっという間に季節が過ぎてしまったが、息子はこの数ヶ月でぐんぐん成長しているのだった。
夏ごろは、ようやくハイハイしていた位だったろうか。今では手を引いて散歩する日々である。

いろいろな事があったが、仕事もあり、家に帰れば妻があたたかい食事を作ってくれ、息子の笑顔も見れる自分の境遇を考えると
とくに今年がひどく悪い年だったと思う気にもならないというのが今の気分である。

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